I know that I failed. I know that I have not been doing that well with this transition. I know all of this, and it sucks, it hurts, it does not make me feel good. 

I could come up with a hundred different reasons for my behavior but none of them matter, none of them count, none of them are worth a second of time. I should be better, I know this. I want to be better. I have always wanted to be better, and it doesn’t seem like I’m doing a very good job getting there lately. I’m sorry for that. 

This is a crazy time in life, for all of us. Every day I feel pulled in several different directions, and that’s hard. I have always wanted, as you know, to have one guiding light, one direction that, at even the faintest of tugs, would win every time, and that’s family. I’ve talked about it so much, I’ve done everything I knew how to prepare myself to make that true. But it hasn’t been true. Not just once, but several times lately. I don’t know the exact cause for that, and I don’t need to figure that out right this second, but I do need to figure it out and I need to fix it. I would love to hear anything you have to say on the matter, we both live in it but you perspective is one my eyes don’t have, and may have insights that can help me become the man I want to be, or more importantly, the man that this family needs me to be. I am open to it. I have no reason to hold back, there is not a single thing that is more important in this gift of life that we are given than you and our son. That is my goal; take that sentence off the wall and make it a reality, don’t ever doubt it. Live it in a way that gives no one a reason to doubt it. Be a man that has one thing above all else, no matter what. 

There are a hundred things I want to be in this world but there is one that I would trade all ninety-nine others in a second for, and that is to be the best husband and father you guys could ever have. 

My vow to you is to live that truth, do everything in my power to make that goal a reality. 
Remind me of that, because I won’t always notice when I’m veering off course, help me, be the whisper in my ear when someone is shouting in the other. Give that rope a little tug when I’m too distracted to notice Arlo on the other end. 
I’ll get there, and we’ll look back and love this life we’ve invested, but I want to look back and see us holding each other up when we need it and now is when I’m unable to see everything I’m missing out on. 

You are awesome, and I am so proud of you. And I will be there for you, and I love you MORE than anything in the world. Don’t hesitate to ask me for what you need, I will become more humble, more kind, more caring; I promise. And I’m sorry for putting you through what you’ve been through so far. 

I love you above all else, and I promise you will see that more and more in the coming weeks, months, and years!

love