Firetruck

I remember a couple times when I was little that when it was bedtime I just would not be able to sleep… I had a very bad feeling that horrible things were going to happen while I was sleeping and I knew I couldn’t stop it but I couldn’t go to sleep and I didnt want to be alone. … Tonight is the first time in a very long time I’ve felt like that… The way I feel tonight is so similar to that it makes it worse and me even more sad. I know that nothing bad is probably going to happen and there is no amount of worry that will make it better if there were, but I dont feel this way on purpose and I truly feel as though I cannot change it. I’m scared, sad, and feel so alone… Its hard tonight, but by the time you read this I will feel entirely different, because if I remember correctly, the mornings after those nights were the best mornings ever, probably because the house didnt burn down and none of my fears were realized. So thank you for being you, and sorry for my irrational fears.

• 3 June 2008