now are some of those times for me.

First of all, what I am not confused by.

Us. - I am so excited for our wedding and the rest of our lives, So Excited!

God. - God is awesome, always has been, always will be.

Growth. - I always want to learn and grow. In love, In knowledge, In faith, In wisdom.

Where thing are difficult for me.

What to do next in life - Where to work, Where to live, How to grow; just what to do.

When I try to trace this down and just get over it, it seems to always come back to my relationship with God. I feel like it’s been better (I know it can always be better) and I know how badly I want it to be better. but I don’t know how to make that happen. I try, I don’t know. Maybe it’s my environment. 
Never feel like I’m home, always feel like I’m late and there’s other things I could be doing, Not having time to truly invest in friendships and relationships… but I don’t know.

I don’t know how to regain control of my life. I can’t recapture the days of old and having more free time, time is the one thing that I feel is always out of my hands… It’s always being spent and it’s rarely done how I’d prefer. Do I need to change my expectations, do I need to take more control of it.

Money is more stressful now than it’s ever been, I feel like I am a slave to money, most decisions I make are decided by money or regretted due to money. (and we’re debt free…)

This was meant to keep you up to speed on what’s in my brain as well as post something to kissedd (that’s also one thing I’ve noticed, I haven’t had/made much time for this lately) and give us something to refer to next time we have a really life related conversation.

The things I know.

You are absolutely gorgeous! never looked prettier. I am so happy we are getting married and so happy it’s happening sooner rather than later. (partially because I can’t wait to have sex with you)

My love for you has always grown larger by the minute. That remains true, I just wish I could make that happen in a better way.

I love doing fun things with you. I love road trips with you. I love laughing with you. (my foot can be stabbed a hundred more times as long as we can laugh like we did again)

I pray for you always. I will always pray for you and I will always pray for us. I am starting to pray about stress in our lives. How to deal with it, how to prevent it, how to trust God especially. (sidenote, slightly related -I love knowing you have Suby, I really do prefer the Tib, I wish it could stay this way)

Also, I guess I can only go to bed at a reasonable time when I’m with you… I am going to sleep now… Call me if you get this in the morning, I like to be up early and get things done.

I miss you so much Kara, so much!
kisses my karaboo, I love you endlessly.